Was I nervous and anxious? Yes. More so than last Wednesday's performance? No. One could argue less than last Wednesday. However as soon as I walked up to the mic after my name was announced, my nerves got so out of control that they triggered tears (not visible to the audience) and completely choked me up. My nerves totes bitch slapped me in the face.
I thought starting with Clarity would be smart since it's the song I've rehearsed the most - should be easier for me to open up with that song, right? Negative. FIRST of all : the Rockstar Broadway Musical Princess of the production group ended up going first, right before me. #Awesome. Not. She was absolutely amazing, incredible, takes your breath away, as usual. Which SUCKS for me since I'm following her. She's been taking voice for decades but still - why can't I be that amazing????? :(
Anyway, back to when it was my turn. My voice is so broken and shaky when I talk that I can barely say a solid word without breaking (and that's just during my self intro). So as Clarity starts to be played.. (And yes, the correct version and melody of the song), I open my mouth to start. I'm trembling and cracking so much that I barelyyyyy croak out the first line-completely falling apart the entire first line. Like I said, my nerves totes bitch slapped me.
EUGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Picture Tasmanian Devil here).
The next song was I Told You So - which I think I handled slightly better than Clarity since I was a bit more comfortable at this point. I don't think I hit it quite as good as I have before but still better than how I performed Clarity.
Next was Impossible. Still trembling at this point but the feedback I got was that I hit this one on the head. Another song that I love but was SUPER nervous to sing since since it was one that my coach and I had only minimally rehearsed. This MAY be the only one that gets uploaded to YouTube, however I still need to watch the playback :)
And finally, the last and 4th song was I Knew You Were Trouble. The one my coach and I hadn't rehearsed.. AT ALL. I felt like I was okay on this one UNTIL i got to the bridge. My coach had added an extra measure of music and left us on 2 different points of the song - #awkward.
So we had to stop and then pick it back up. Hate that.
All in all was it horrid? Probably not. Was it perfect? Did I knock them dead? Unfortunately no. Makes me wonder if I even have what it takes to do this at all. Am I wasting my time and money??
A big thank you to all my friends that came out to support me last night :) I'm sorry for the parts where I sucked :-/.
I promise I CAN do SOOO much better. I think that's my biggest issue, is that i KNOW i can do better. I'm the one getting in my own way and it sucks.
Here's a pic from last night:
On the bright side, the owner of the bar seemed to take to me and really encouraged me to come back to the bar's standard open mic nights and that I should work with their HOUSE pianist. He even chased me outside as I was getting in the car to introduce me to their pianist for Open Mic Night. I'm thinkin of going weekly so I can get over this annoyingly large ELEPHANT sized stage fright.
Anyway, we'll see what my voice coach says at tomorrow's group class and ad Saturday's 1:1 lesson. Hopefully he'll be gentle.
Gnite all,
Missy
No comments:
Post a Comment