Wasn't Half Bad!

Whew! It's done!

Strangely enough.. I wasn't super nervous before going up there!  Although, there were a couple scary moments.

First off, my voice coach tells me (in front of the huge group) that no one should pick me to go after them, as he wants me to go LAST so wrap it up and finish us off with a bang.  And then he motions hitting a ball with a ball bat.. as in.. I want you to knock it out of the park. Ummm.. what?! NO PRESSURE right??? Psh.. wrong. But somehow I was fine with it. I just sat and eagerly listened to each person go up there and just blow it out of the water.  When it was my turn to go up there, I brought him the sheet music and reminded him to play it a half step lower (since that's how the original song is recorded as well as that's how we've been practicing it).  He tells me that he didn't bring his keyboard in so he can't do that. He'll have to play it higher than usual. (He threw his back out and couldn't carry it in, understandable). But CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!

Anyway.. I sang it.. sang my heart out. Did I suck? I dont think so. Did I kick ass? Meh.. I could have done better..

Here's a snapshot:

I watched the video back and yeah.. It wasn't terrible, wasn't the best I could do. Caveat being that my voice teacher did tell the group that he played it higher than it normally is.. but the group didn't seem to notice. They all really liked it! Yay! :)

Anyway, if my coach thinks the video is good enough - i'll post it. Otherwise I'll need to record it again in the studio.

Seeeee ya!

Missy

Singing Tonight.. Singing Something Creepy.

Yooo!!!

Tonight is group performance class - seems like no biggie but the setting in which you sing is pretty intimidating.  The class of about ~20 or o people all sit on the floor in front you where you're standing at the mic stand and just.. singing.. out loud.. to them - as if it's show and tell and they're all kickin it looking up and watching.. like Reading Time in school.  EEEEEEEEEEEK!

I'm singing a song I've loved for what seems like forever.. nearly 10 years.

It's called Addicted, by my one and only - the fabulous Miss Kelly Clarkson.  Hopefully I do her justice.

Am I nervous? Uh, Yeah. 

However, I'm going to do what my voice coach has been telling me : Visualize myself absolutely rocking it in front of the crowd and hitting every note impeccably. We'll see if it works!

I'm hoping it also helps that I'm doing a song that I absolutely LOVE - it's super creepy and awesome. The idea is that I get into character and have a ton of fun with - we'll see if I can pull through.

The hope is NOT to choke! Will record it and review with my coach to see if it's good enough to post.

OH! And by the way - apparently my ghetto-ass approach to recording myself the other day compleeeeeeeeeeetely changed how I really sound (I thought it was must me)! But my voice coach pointed it out that my engineering really skewed my sound, it made me sound REALLY tinny - which many people confuse as NASALLY-  of which I don't normally sound like. 

I asked him if I should take it down and he said no - leave it up.  But MUCH better videos should be posted soon :)

Stand by!

Wish me luck, guys!!!

Missy

Crap - I did it. #PanicSettingIn

Hey all,

Well.. I FINALLY did it.  I was given a deadline that I had to publish something to the web.  I did what I could and made due with my current set-up (which I can't quite figure out because I'm a ding-dong, so for all you audio engineers that wouldn't mind helping - I'm in desperate need!)

And yes, I'm 1 billion% terrified that I've actually put myself out there. But I guess it's something I need to start getting used to. For cereal, yo.

I downloaded the instrumental track to Clarity and tried singing alongside it.  The track isn't 100% correct, it's missing a measure at the end of the 2nd verse - but whatever, I made due and skipped over it.

I tried messing around with Ableton Live Lite and it was a nightmare - can't figure it out. Might be switching to Pro Tools 10.

Anyway, here's my first try and trying to sing alongside the track as practice for this week:

Can see the video here:  http://youtu.be/d26PjppbzIY

Going to try and embed the video here:




I have another session with my voice coach tomorrow to really practice for my performance on Wednesday.  From there, one more lesson on Sunday morning before my 4 song set performance at the bar on Monday, July 1st - EEEEEEEK! #I'mgonnadie.


This time - I'll FOR SURE be taking a drink BEFORE to calm the nerves.  We'll see if I can make my way through them this time.  Here's hoping!

Anyway, I hope you all like the video. Again, it's just practice, I can do a lot better but I figured I was WAY overdue for posting me ACTUALLY singing.


See ya!

Missy

And FINALLY! Final Four are Chosen..

Finalllllllllllllllly!!!!!!!

After a few days of endless hours of practicing a trillion billion songs, I think I figured out the final four for Martuni's in a few weeks (1 of those will be done in group performance a week from yesterday). 

Being that I had to figure out 4 new songs so quickly, I figured that I had to do a few that I REALLLLY know well.

While my coach may not be thrilled:

- The Climb (Miley Cyrus)

- Distance (Christina Perri)

- Addicted (Kelly Clarkson)

- Because of You (Kelly Clarkson)

The Climb : While this one may be corny, I'm relating to it a TON right now given my journey in music. I don't know it SUPER well so I have a lot of work here.

Distance : Yeah.. A lotttt of work for me here. I found this song 2 hours ago and reallllly liked it.

Addicted : One of KC's from her Breakaway Album, one of my faaavorites that was never a single. Figured this could be fun for maybe getting a little acting in :) The bridge in this song is where I'm struggling, I'll need to focus on that. I run out of breath really fast there.

Because of You : Another from KC's Breakaway Album, a great single that I relate to a ton. There's one line that I need to watch out for - it's pretty up there but I think I can do it.

Anyway, still a ton of work ahead of me.  While I may feel prepared by the time of the performance ( I still have a trillion lyrics to learn - crapppp ), I need to feel comfortable with the music accompaniment. That's where I'm worried.. That's where I.. Am hoping it goes well.

Anyway, it's late. And I am le' tired lol.

Gnite,

Missy

Practice Makes Perfect ...?

I skipped group voice class tonight.. But only so I could practice more to see if I could settle on 4 (group performance in a week, eff my life).

Practiced from 7PM - 10:30PM..

Eugh.

I think I have 2 for sures?? Maybe?

Does anyone have any ideas?!?! Not just from this list but from ANYWHERE????

On the up side.. I watched videos of my fave chic Miss Jennel Garcia.. Man that girl is FIERCE!!! I wish I could perform like her.. AMAZING is an understatement. It inspired me a bit :)

Gnite,

Missy

Rough Night - Time to Quit?

Alright.. here we go again.

Had a rough night last night and sat and typed up this post on my phone, hit "publish" and then got an error message which deleted the whole thing.  #annoying.

So.. let's try this one more time.

It's been a rough few days.. to say the least. 

Over the weekend my mom came down to visit - which means my weekend was amazing.  Love having my mom visit, it's like I have a temporary slice of home.  I thought it'd be a good idea to bring her to my 1:1 voice lesson on Saturdays with my voice coach, I thought it'd be fun for her to see all the fun technique training I do and what I am really capable of (since she hadn't been able to see any of my performances). 

Well. I was wrong. 

I'm not sure if I was particularly horrible that Saturday or if my voice coach had an off morning or what - but he really ragged on me for every.. single.. little..thing.  Literally.  Anything and everything I did was wrong and he was disappointed. And he voiced it. He even told me I regressed.. WTF??? Really? In front of my mom? I don't know - maybe I need to grow thicker skin, but as my teacher - making me want to shut down and quit after a lesson isn't ideal for your business or for your student's growth and motivation. He then told me that for my upcoming performance at Martuni's (round 2) I'm not allowed to do any of the songs I did last month - all 4 new ones. CRAP - that's in 2 weeks and i'm so NOT prepared.  

My mom walked out of that class completely dumbfounded and in shock as to how that lesson went.  I walked out of the lesson teary eyed and down.  Did I just pay $120 for that hour to get dumped on? The icing on the cake is that he finished the lesson with talking about how much he hates Kelly Clarkson's music.  #epicfail.  And yes, he does know that she's my hero. 

Fast forward to last night - I wanted to sit and practice doing a ton of songs to see which ones I'd feel comfortable choosing for Martuni's round 2.  I have to pick 4 songs and THEN learn all the lyrics, and oh yeah, sound good doing them so I don't choke again.  On top of that, my voice teacher has a billion students - and normally doesn't know any of the songs I bring to him for our class.  So when I'm up there performing, and my teacher doesn't 100% know the song, makes for an unfortunate performance.  In a backwards way, I feel like i'm set up to fail in these performances - and those are really discouraging.

Anyway, back to last night.  I wanted to practice and find 4 songs I wanted to settle with. I   practiced 10 - 13 songs on my performance mic and recorded it with MovieMaker.  I just sang on top of the song being played on YouTube.  Of course, MovieMaker only recorded my voice going into the mic, none of the actual song being played so it sounded pretty ridiculous a capella.  After trying out each song twice - I played back a few and was just.. HORRIFIED.  What the hell am I doooooooooooooooing?!?!?!?!

It's just ME in the room and I'm mortified listening to the playback - that I even tried.  It sounded so ridiculous, I was disgusted with myself.  I'm paying all this money for lessons and performances where my coach doesn't full know the song that I'm singing along to, failing, over and over again. All signs are pointing to - this is not meant for you.  You get to a point where it's not other people, it's you.  If every playback.. and every recording is this bad - I need to face the reality that you know what? Maybe this isn't meant for me to do.  I was so upset, so defeated.  Still am I guess.  I'm thinking about finishing my voice lesson with my coach through the end of this month (June - since I already paid for it), and then stopping from there.  

Anyway, I was so upset I took it out on some song writing - about how you should never chase your dreams.  The trips and falls of the journey is too painful and not worth it. Stayed up way too late with this disgust and frustration in my chest, I couldn't fall asleep.

Alex told me to sleep on it - he thinks I'm being WAY too hard on myself and need to relax.  I haven't changed my mind but we'll see how the next few days play out.

Missy

Karaoke Anyone?

Hey all,

Needless to say it's been a CRAZY few days.  Last Wednesday (6/5) was weekly singing boot camp. That was PAINFUL - i'm such a weakling. For cereal though.  Tons of planks and leg lifts while singing.  Planks and leglifts on their OWN are pretty brutal for me. I just don't have the core to do it.  Anyway.. got through that + had some singing in class.  Unfortunately the night before (last Tuesday night, 6/4) I'd had a pretty rough night.  I decided I finally wanted to play back all my singing from last Monday night @ Martuni's.  Eugh - not good.

I'll be honest, guys.. It wasn't pretty.  I sat and watched it all - and from there I buckled down in tears. I hunched over started bawling over what I had just watched and heard. I completely regretted inviting friends and felt like I had completely embarrassed myself.  Felt like I'm wasting my money and time entirely and that I've now ruined something that was so important to me. Why the hell did I get up there and do that?! I wanted to delete it all and MORESO - i'm pissed because I wanted to finally get to upload GOOD work onto YouTube.  But no. Can't upload any of that. A few things happened (that I've recapped before).. 1) My nerves got to me, my throat closed up as I teared up when standing in front of the mic and that completely stunted my performance and ability to hit the notes as good as I know I can. 2) I was shaking so much that I didn't sing on the mic, I wasn't close enough and clearly sounded off and far away.  EUGHHHHHH. 

So Mad at Myself. I really wanted to showcase and post videos of my performance but in NO way can I do that.  I need to only EVER publish my best - and that certainly wasn't it. 

Then I watched a playback of my last Wednesday performance, where the wrong song started playing and I messed up the first verse?  While yes, I messed up the first verse - the rest of it sounded awesome! I sounded like MYSELF and the way I KNOW I can hit it.  That gave me a bit more of my confidence back but not much.  

Fast forward to my 1:1 lesson with my epic voice coach this past Saturday, 6/8.  Most of the lesson was a lot more talking through my last Monday performance. Embarrassingly enough, I started crying in front of my teacher.  I told him I felt like I'd been wasting my time and that I sounded awful.  He of course told me I was being way too hard on myself and that I wasn't as bad as I am describing it.  He also told me that the way the nerves took over me was what he had expected. Boo.  Anyway, he told me in general that what people were saying was that if I got my nerves under control, I have a pretty big voice to be unleashed.. We'll see about that. 

Next up was the weekend: my boyfriend Alex, our roommate Hank, and our friend Fred and myself all went to a Karaoke Bar in San Francisco on Saturday night (Silver Clouds Karaoke).  I was really scared but they dragged me out to one at around midnight after having had a few drinks :) Luckily, the entire group there was WASTED. Literally, every person who went up to sing at the mic couldn't even get out a word without drunkenly falling over and cracking up. Hank dragged me to the DJ booth and paid CASH for me to get to get up on stage and practice! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD is all I'm thinking. They call my name and I get up there and sing the HECK out of Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes," a favorite of mine.  While I could definitely have done better - having drunk fans ask to get to touch my hand and tell me I was awesome was DEFINITELY a confidence booster.  It made me feel comfortable to practice this again.  Whew :)
See pic below:

I had a ton of fun.. as you can see below:

Next up: Voice Bootcamp tomorrow, and Martuni's Open Mic on Thursday for practice.. cross your fingers for me??


Anyway - sorry for the big post, it'd been a while so I owed you all one.

Wednesday / Thursday post to follow (hopefully).

See yaaaaaaaaaa,

Missy

Not A Happy Camper

Well.. It's been a day since last night's  performance. As this post title clearly says.. I'm not a happy camper. I'm really unhappy with myself and how I performed. 

Was I nervous and anxious? Yes. More so than last Wednesday's performance? No. One could argue less than last Wednesday. However as soon as I walked up to the mic after my name was announced, my nerves got so out of control that they triggered tears (not visible to the audience) and completely choked me up. My nerves totes bitch slapped me in the face. 

I thought starting with Clarity would be smart since it's the song I've rehearsed the most - should be easier for me to open up with that song, right? Negative. FIRST of all : the Rockstar Broadway Musical Princess of the production group ended up going first, right before me. #Awesome. Not. She was absolutely amazing, incredible, takes your breath away, as usual. Which SUCKS for me since I'm following her. She's been taking voice for decades but still - why can't I be that amazing????? :(

Anyway, back to when it was my turn. My voice is so broken and shaky when I talk that I can barely say a solid word without breaking (and that's just during my self intro). So as Clarity starts to be played.. (And yes, the correct version and melody of the song), I open my mouth to start. I'm trembling and cracking so much that I barelyyyyy croak out the first line-completely falling apart the entire first line. Like I said, my nerves totes bitch slapped me.

EUGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Picture Tasmanian Devil here).

The next song was I Told You So - which I think I handled slightly better than Clarity since I was a bit more comfortable at this point. I don't think I hit it quite as good as I have before but still better than how I performed Clarity. 

Next was Impossible. Still trembling at this point but the feedback I got was that I hit this one on the head. Another song that I love but was SUPER nervous to sing since since it was one that my coach and I had only minimally rehearsed. This MAY be the only one that gets uploaded to YouTube, however I still need to watch the playback :)

And finally, the last and 4th song was I Knew You Were Trouble. The one my coach and I hadn't rehearsed.. AT ALL.  I felt like I was okay on this one UNTIL i got to the bridge. My coach had added an extra measure of music and left us on 2 different points of the song - #awkward.

So we had to stop and then pick it back up. Hate that.

All in all was it horrid? Probably not. Was it perfect? Did I knock them dead? Unfortunately no. Makes me wonder if I even have what it takes to do this at all. Am I wasting my time and money??

A big thank you to all my friends that came out to support me last night :) I'm sorry for the parts where I sucked :-/.

I promise I CAN do SOOO much better. I think that's my biggest issue, is that i KNOW i can do better. I'm the one getting in my own way and it sucks.

Here's a pic from last night: 

On the bright side, the owner of the bar seemed to take to me and really encouraged me to come back to the bar's standard open mic nights and that I should work with their HOUSE pianist. He even chased me outside as I was getting in the car to introduce me to their pianist for Open Mic Night. I'm thinkin of going weekly so I can get over this annoyingly large ELEPHANT sized stage fright.

Anyway, we'll see what my voice coach says at tomorrow's group class and ad Saturday's 1:1 lesson. Hopefully he'll be gentle.

Gnite all,

Missy

Panic.

Panic has started to creep in.

Breathe.. I've just got to breathe.

Videos and updates after tonight's 4 song performance..